


where you end (is where I begin)

by Poetry



Category: Leverage
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode Tag, Episode: S04e07 The Grave Danger Job, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Podfic Available, Pre-OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4927000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetry/pseuds/Poetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parker doesn't know how to give Alec what he needs. But she thinks that Eliot might be able to give her some advice. Episode tag to The Grave Danger Job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where you end (is where I begin)

**Author's Note:**

> I just watched The Grave Danger Job today and my feels were so intense that if I didn't write them down somehow I was going to explode. Podfic available to listen [here](http://www.mediafire.com/listen/153iylb3xkxpx3y/where+you+end.mp3) and download [here](http://www.mediafire.com/download/153iylb3xkxpx3y/where+you+end.mp3).

Parker raised her hand and touched her cheek. The side of her face still tingled with the heat of Hardison’s – _Alec’s_ – breath, the pressure of his lips against her skin. For one moment, there had been no borders between his face and hers, and they were one warm beating breathing thing. When she touched the place where he kissed her, she felt bigger than herself. It was terrifying. She smiled.

Alec wanted to do more than kiss her on the cheek. She knew that. Sometimes his body leaned toward her like it wanted to be inside her skin instead of his. But that kiss was already so much. He’d poured himself into her and she felt full to bursting. She didn’t know if her skin could hold any more of his.

Parker left the bar. It was raining a little. The rain washed away the tingle on her cheek where Hardison’s kiss had been. After walking a while, Parker looked up at the street signs. She was right next to Eliot’s apartment. She hadn’t known she wanted to go here, but it turned out she did. Parker reached into her pocket and felt for the shape of Eliot’s key on the ring. He’d given it to her after the fifth time she broke in, because he said at least if she came in through the front door he’d have some warning. She kept breaking in anyway, because it was more fun. But this time, she walked up to the front door and turned the key in the lock.

Eliot was there before she’d taken more than a step. His whole body relaxed when he saw who she was. "Take off your shoes, will you? You’ll track rain all over.”

Parker took her shoes off. By the time she got to Eliot’s living room, cozy with lots of rosy wood, he already had a cup of hot chocolate waiting on the coffee table. Parker sat next to him on the brown leather couch and drank deep. Eliot made amazing hot chocolate, dark and thick with marshmallows floating in it. He didn’t say anything. Eliot was good at sharing the quiet.

“How are you so good at touching him?” Parker said, after she’d had enough hot chocolate and silence.

“What do you mean?” Eliot sounded very even, controlled, like he was working to keep out what he felt.

“Both you and Nate went to the – the coffin,” Parker said. The word _coffin_ tasted bitter in her chocolatey mouth. It used to be just another word, and now she was always going to choke on it. “You pulled him out yourself. You didn’t let Nate do it. And you hugged him, and he hugged you back like he would’ve fallen over if you hadn’t. He _needed_ you, and you knew what to do. How did you do that?”

“Are you saying you haven’t…”

Parker wasn’t sure what Eliot was asking, but whatever it was, the answer was probably no. She shook her head. “Touching is hard. It’s always hard. I always feel so many things. How warm it is, how hard we’re touching, all the spots where it’s skin or clothes, the sweat and the breath and the pulse. Everything.”

Eliot gave her another silence, which she used to drink more hot chocolate. “Feeling all those things,” he said, not quite looking at her. “It’s how you know what someone feels. It’s how you know they’re alive. I didn’t just do it because he needed it. I did it because I needed it too.”

“I think I know what you mean. But most of the time I’m afraid of it more than I need it.”

“Alec’s a good man.” Parker had never heard Eliot use his first name before. It fell between them, heavy and shining like a gold bar, just like it had when she’d said it to Alec on the phone. She remembered Eliot on the mountain, saying _They would've kept trying, and they would've froze to death right next to him, especially Hardison._ “You can tell him what you need. Let him know when you want it, and let him know when it’s too much. He’ll respect it.”

That would mean showing Alec everything that was broken about her, and everything that was soft like her bunny and _needed_ him. It was scary, like that feeling without borders when her body and Hardison’s were together. But Sophie said that taking down her walls was more than just scary. Parker found an air duct in her walls and crawled through. “I think I want a hug,” she said.

Eliot’s eyes went all soft around the edges, and he reached sideways on the couch and pulled her into a hug against his side. There was a shirt between most of her and most of him, but she could feel his fingertips on her wrist, callous-rough and warm. Parker hid her face in the dark space between his arm and his chest and cried.

When she wiped her face and looked up, Eliot was facing away from her, but when he looked back she saw his eyes were wet and bright.

“You have backup plans, right?” said Parker. “Ways to cut loose and get out?”

Eliot nodded.

“Promise me you won’t. You have to promise, Eliot. Because if either of us leave – and Hardison’s in trouble, and one of us could have saved him – ”

“I won’t,” said Eliot. His voice sawed its way out of his chest, and he grimaced like he could feel himself breaking around the words. It reminded Parker of the look on his face when he hugged Hardison, his face creased with pain, even though Eliot never showed how much he hurt, no matter how bad it was. “I promise.”

“Good,” said Parker. “Because if you tried to leave, I’d drag you back. You know I’d find you.”

Eliot’s eyes widened a little. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you would.”

“You can do it too, you know,” Parker said. “Tell him what you need.”

“Tell him I need what?” Eliot said roughly.

Parker shrugged. “I’m not going to tell you what to ask. But whatever it is, he’ll listen. He’s really good at that. At giving things. I wish I were good at that. All I know how to do is steal.”

“You gave Alec plenty today,” Eliot said. “You should be proud.”

They sat together for a while, sharing the quiet. All Parker could hear was the clank of the heating, the rain on the window, and Eliot’s steady breath. When she left, wordlessly, she thought maybe she’d given Eliot something too.


End file.
